God Works

"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of
   understanding draws them out."
            "A man's steps are directed by the Lord.
               How then can anyone understand his own way?"

                                                                                    Proverbs 20:5,24




I thought on these words last night.  I thought how truthful they are in my own life.  I do not understand my way.  I do not know where I am going most days, much less do I understand the shape my life is taking.  


For a man my age that can be pretty difficult to swallow.  I'm 36, with no family of my own, no real prospects of seeing that take shape any time soon, and a list of could have beens and might have beens.  You will notice I don't say failures and regrets.  It is not because I'm unwilling to admit that I have acted selfishly and with a fair amount of self-centeredness.  I've even come to realize with time that I may have hurt several people along the way, when for a long time I thought I was the only one to get hurt.  But I don't speak of failure because I believe the above proverb to be true. I believe that my steps, no matter how selfish the decisions of my heart may have been, have ultimately been ordered by the Lord.  So I can't speak of failure, or shouldn't speak of failure, unless I'm speaking merely of my failure to recognize truth and share love along this path my life has taken.  It is no failure to not be married if God didn't mean for you to be so, even if you were selfish in your own determination not to marry.  


Really I'm talking about more than marrying and not marrying.  I still hope to marry one day.  But what I'm really talking about here is trusting that God is at work in my life.  He is at work to direct the course of my life, and he's also at work to draw out of me the love and faith that I tend to hide and forsake.  What are the purposes of my heart?  I do not fully know.  It takes one who knows my heart to draw them out.  It is my job this evening and every day to trust that God is at work doing this very thing.  Though I may look at my heart and see only selfishness and self-centeredness, I do believe God looks and sees more.  He looks beyond the dry outer layer that must be daily be cut and pulled away like the peeling of some fruit.  He's after what's inside, that sweet, sometimes aromatic center which brings delight to the senses.    


Today, I'm trusting him not only to direct my steps, but to get what he's after.  God Bless!